Calendars don't lie

I like to keep my calendars.  To me, they are like natural journals that help you keep track of your daily life.  In calendars you are spontaneous; in journals you tend to think a bit too much. So, to me, calendars sometimes tell a better story.  Take my calendar for this week, for example:

7/20 – Travel to Washington, D.C. for XIX International AIDS Conference

7/21 – Embajadores Training – 8:30 a.m. to 5:00 p.m.

7/22 – Latino/Hispanic HIV Community Research Forum

7/23 – NGO Reception

7/24 – Nuestra Noche de Acción reception

Additionally, I have my blogging assignments for the conference, something I’m very excited about.

Last year’s calendar is filled with meetings for the United States Conference on AIDS, for which I was a Committee Co-Chair.  If you look at my 2005 calendar, you will see my homework assignments deadlines as I completed my Master’s degree.  And, like I said, my life could be put together through my calendars.

Recently I found my calendar from 1994.  It was a pleasant surprise to read through it, but it also made me cry at times, as I remembered events that while I have not forgotten them are not present in my consciousness all of the time.  Some things have not changed: there are the deadlines for the United Way, Chicago Department of Public Health, Illinois Department of Public Health and AIDS Foundation of Chicago’s grants.  There are the trainings in topics that even now sound very interesting.  There are the dates of the Technical Assistance workshops, the meetings with the CPA for the Public Interest; these two gave me the basic skills for fostering the growth of my organization.

There I found registered the initial meeting with Lori Cannon from Open Hand Chicago (now Vital Bridges) to use CALOR as a distribution center once a month.  I remember those days, the energy of the volunteers that came to help, the passion with which they gave themselves to the task of preparing food bags and then deliver them!  Despite the sadness of seeing so many die, the sense of commitment, the experiences of those years, nothing compares to that.

I also have in my calendar the dates for the support group meetings.  Those were dynamic groups, huge groups of people from all walks of life, different sexual orientations and risk factors; all united by their unique tie: HIV. This was before funding streams segmented groups based on priority populations.   The groups were open to anybody that needed them…and there were a lot of people that needed support back then! We had the most interesting group topics and everybody participated.  Salvador Contreras, one of our founding members, was an excellent facilitator; no special training, just people’s skills and the desire to share his own experiences with others. He came up with the most interesting and some times controversial group topics, but he made people talk during those two hours on Saturday afternoons and this brought us together.

Advocacy meetings are also registered there, meetings with Community Response, Lakefront SRO, San Miguel Apartments, AIDS Legal Council, Social Security Administration and Department of Public Aid.  We had volunteers meetings to help coordinate these activities, to make sure that whoever needed an interpreter had one, or volunteers accompany a person to an appointment; we made sure it all happened.

Unfortunately, my 1994 calendar also serve as a death record.  The first entry in January 1, 1994 is to note the death of Dr. Ron Sable, a great activist for gay rights, and also an attending physician and founder of the Sable/Sherer AIDS Clinic at Cook County Hospital.  And that was the first of many.  On that very same day, José, another friend, died.  And from there on, there is a record of deaths and funerals that to this day takes chokes me up:

4/30/94 – José Luis passed away; a great friend and founding member of CALOR

5/3/94 – José Luis’ funeral services

9/4/94 – Sr. Aguirre passed away

9/7/94 – Sr. Aguirre’s funeral services

10/20/94 – Fernando passed away

10/21/94 – Armando passed away

10/29/94 – Gustavo passed away; another dear friend and founding member of CALOR

12/2/94  – Salvador passed away; my handsome friend; founding member of CALOR

I know this list pales in comparison with other peoples’ losses, those who saw people die much more frequently. But these were my losses, the very first experience with the much darker side of HIV/AIDS, something that no training, no meeting, no support group had prepared me for.

And today, as I continue filling my 2012 calendar with the great activities that will take place at the XIX International AIDS Conference, I remember each one of my lost friends, and I honor their lives and their commitment in those early years.  And I hope that wherever they are, they will rejoice with me when I am able to finally write on write on my calendar: Today a cure has been found.